intellectual stimulation

Contemplating intellectual stimulation lately I have been. The limited English that I am able to speak in my schools and with most of my fellow teachers is driving me a little insane, I think. Last night I went to a hookah bar in Daegu. Yeah, I know, I am one lucky person.

I feel that a large purpose of hookah bars/coffee shops is to sit with friends and contemplate reality. I want to go to Amsterdam. Not talk about b.s. like what your hobbies are or how many siblings you have or your hometown. I can do that with my 13-year-old students at school.

Last night, the wonderful flavored tobacco and the beer definitely made my mind slip onto a different plane, where I was thinking about my future and Korea's future and the future of the planet... However, the conversation around me was not revolving around anything that mattered to me at the time. So, I was keeping quiet and puffing away in the corner. At one point, a friend was trying to include me in the conversation, and I said something about how it is interesting to me how in Korea there seems to be a lack of people who are concerned about the future, and they called me a buzzkill. I wanted to reply with that, "Actually no, I am not killing the buzz, I am trying to create a buzz that isn't here because this sort of superficiality is prohibiting any buzz to occurr". I understand that most Korean people do not know enough English to fully express their ideas, but I don't think that that is a valid excuse because some of my effing first grade middle school students manage to convey incredibly creative ideas to me through their limited English. So I am a little annoyed right now. There are many people in the world who are killing the environment, raping natural resources without concern for the repercussions of such acts, promoting and glorifying cruelty... I want the people around here to be aware of the choices that they make. I don't think that most Korean people see much past their own lives and their immediate families.

I feel like my mother, how many times did she tell me when I was younger to "Think of the consequences of my actions"??? (I think that she meant more on a short-term basis at the time...) But lately I cannot get that sort of thing off my mind. You might think that I am way crazy, but I am thinking about getting a vasectomy because I am afraid to bring a child into the world right now. Because when I was younger I was able to have everything that I needed, and I would feel terrible if I had to say things like, "Sorry, my son. Tonight we cannot use any electricity so you're just going to have to light this candle."